Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
