his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
