puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I would fuck him just for his dog
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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