maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
