i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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