Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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