I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need a burrito and a hug.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
