Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
