My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
