Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
