that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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