so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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