Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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