her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
