Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
