I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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