You kept calling me your small dog last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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