Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
