im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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