I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
