**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
