I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
