Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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