Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
