This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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