if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it's like iHOP with fire
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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