you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
someone owes me an orgasm
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The air was thick with penises
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
