HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lo siento on account of my penis...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
