i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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