Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
