Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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