youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think my tv is drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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