12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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