Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
