I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
