I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
