My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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