Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
