I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
