toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
