People in love make me want to vomit
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize