Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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