I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize