She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize