I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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