She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
