I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
