So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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