I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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