I only kidnapped one of them. chill
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
