You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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