just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
