He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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