well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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