Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
