So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize