Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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