I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
