oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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